But seriously, the concepts of laying down wine and building up a bit of a cellar both bear some examination. You don't need acres of cellars and a country house (though I'd never refuse either); all you have to do is buy some wine in advance for the convenience of not having constantly to rush out to the local shop, and have somewhere to keep it. That second point, somewhere to keep it, is the problem for most of us. If you own valuable bottles, there is a strong argument for storing much of your stock with a reputable wine merchant. You will have to pay a storage charge, but the right conditions for really fine wine are hard to find in the average house or flat. For more everyday wines - including those you plan to keep for a year or so, even a couple of years - there are four conditions to try and achieve: correct cool temperature, adequate humidity, relative darkness and relative stillness. This blend of conditions will age the wine slowly, which always results in a slightly more exciting end result. Warm or unstable conditions age wine faster, which almost always results in a less perfect balance of flavour at maturity.

This should be as stable as possible; changes should be of the gradual seasonal sort rather than huge leaps every time the central heating switches itself on or off. The ideal range is between 10 and 13°C (50 and 55°F), which is slightly cooler than is comfortable for most of us. So keep wine in the coolest part of the house, and certainly away from a radiator.

Dampness isn't usually a problem for wine, although you might get a bit of mould on the labels. If it's too dry, though, the corks can shrink. It may sound silly but if you have a very dry house, get a humidifier. Your furniture will benefit, too.

Bright light can damage wines, particularly whites, and particularly Champagne. So if you have to store wines in a light spot, drape a blanket over them. Not pretty, but effective. Keeping bottles in their original cartons or wooden boxes is another solutions or wrap tissue paper round individual bottles.

Vibration can tire a wine, but since some of the best cellars in old cities are underneath railway arches which vibrate frighteningly every time a train goes over, I wouldn't lose sleep over it. In most homes the ideal storage spot doesn't exist, and it's a question of compromise. The understairs cupboard is a good bet, as are wardrobes, or the garage (but careful the wine doesn't freeze in winter). The kitchen is too warm for more than a few weeks.